Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize