My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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