I need help removing her.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
