I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
