I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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