In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize