do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
