When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
