Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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