So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
