no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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