A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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