Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
