At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
