So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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