Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
