I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
