like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
