Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
