i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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