dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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