I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
