I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
