Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
