return my video game
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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