Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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