My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
