Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
