why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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