Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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