Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
