you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
