As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
