you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize