i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
