I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
