his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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