I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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