Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
