Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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