Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
