She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
