I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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