Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
