Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
