Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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