So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
