ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
