dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
