i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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