this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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