i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were trust falling into bushes
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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