Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
