I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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