I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
