I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
