You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
