Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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