At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
