dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
