3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
