ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
