How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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