Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
NoShamevember. You game?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
