11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
