this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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