I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
