Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize