Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize