meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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