if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
